10 - Why Golf Courses Have 18 Holes.

Alex Vance was probably the first guy I knew who had a steady girlfriend. He was a year older so when I was in 6^th, he was in 7^th grade, which may have been the main reason.

Then again, it may have been geography.

Kathy and Kristy Elmore’s backyard was connected to Alex’s backyard by a chain link fence. It was literally the only thing in his way. Well, that and Mr. Elmore.

Once the Elmore sisters hit puberty, Alex seemed to be over at their house every day. Sometimes, I was lucky enough to go with him. Until 6^th grade, we never really did anything exciting. We played kickball or cards in the backyard during hot summer days. Mostly, we just passed the time.

On a parent-teacher conference day, we had the day off, so I walked down to Alex’s house and after a short while playing Big Time Wrestling and getting ourselves worked up, Alex suggested we should go visit the Elmore girls. I thought it was a great idea.

When we knocked on the back door, we were surprised to see Laurie McKenna there, too. The Elmore girls and Laurie McKenna were best friends. Maybe that was because the McKennas lived next door to Alex and directly behind the Elmores.

“Come on in! We’re just eating pizza and watching ‘Laverne and Shirley’.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” said Alex.

As soon as Laurie turned her back, he flashed a wry little smirk and made his infamous ‘giant bajungas’ hand gesture.

It was no secret Laurie had big breasts. She had gotten her period a few years earlier and the rest of her body was sure to follow suit.

As boys, we didn't know what periods were. We knew girls had them and we knew they were pretty yucky. However, we didn’t know much beyond that.

The five of us gathered in the family room around the pizza box and watched TV until the midday news. At that point, Kristy got up and threw away the empty box.

“Is there a chance I can get a Coca-Cola?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Alex, do you want one, too?” and Alex nodded.

She returned and we moved to the sofa sectional that wrapped along the far wall, and arranged ourselves girl-boy-girl-boy-girl.

“What do you guys want to do now?”

Alex immediately leaned towards Laurie and stole a kiss. She gasped in shock, but he leaned over and stole another kiss without much resistance from Laurie.

“No,” said Krsity, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What do you suggest?” asked Alex.

“Let’s play a game.”

“Alright,” Alex replied without missing a beat, “let’s play spin the bottle.”

He chugged down the rest of his soda and sat down in the center of the family room, plachin the Coca-Cola bottle directly in front of him and giving it a spin. Laurie immediately hopped off the couch and sat right beside him.

Alex spun the bottle again. It pointed towards the fireplace. He spun it again and it pointed somewhere between him and Laurie. He leaned over and planted another kiss on Laurie. Kristy, who was obviously jealous, sat across from Alex. I sat next to her and Kathy found a spot between Alex and me.

“My turn next!” said Laurie as she gave the bottle a spin. It pointed to Alex and she kissed him. Then, Alex spun the bottle and it pointed to Kathy, so he kissed her. So far, this game really sucked.

When Kathy gave the bottle a spin, it pointed at my right knee.

“Nope! Bad spin, spin again!”

She spun until she got the result she wanted and kissed Alex. Finally, when Laurie spun it and pointed directly towards me, she did not hesitate. She stretched over the bottle and kissed me, hard and firm. She had just been smoking and her kiss had this awful taste like grandma's old Pall Mall cigarettes. I ignored it and kissed her back.

Call me low maintenance, if you must, but I have never been one to kick someone out of bed for eating crackers and I was certainly not going to refuse a free kiss as a horny 11-year-old boy.

I must have done something right, because Kathy decided the kissers should go to the hall closet for “5 minutes in heaven”.

I spun the bottle and it pointed to Laurie.

“Alright,” she said.

She got up and stretched a hand toward me. I took it and she led me directly to the hall closet and opened the door. I went in and she followed. I forced my lips towards her and immediately grabbed a hold of her right boob with my left hand, over the blouse. It was this nylon number that felt itchy and the giant cantilever bra beneath it made a scratching noise. I was like a DJ and his turntable with that thing. Soon, though, my time for a bit of sampling was over.

“Time’s up!” shouted Kristy.

We came out of the closet to a round of applause. Then, we resumed our places and it was my turn to spin. When it came to a stop, it pointed directly at Lauren.

“Oh,, come on!” said Kristy.

“The bottle doesn’t lie,” said Lauren as she took me by the hand and led me back to the closet.

We kissed for a while, but it quickly became a rehash of the same old stuff until I decided to steal third from first. I whispered into her ear as I jammed my hand awkwardly down her pants. She did not push me away, but she didn’t offer to help, either. My hand remained wedged between denim and nylon, with nowhere to go.

Even though I only felt the two wads of fabric, I thought it was amazing, For Laurie, I can only assume it was anything but. She finally reached down and unbuttoned her pants. The zipper quickly pulled away and my hand was free. However, she carefully grabbed my hand and repositioned it near her belly button. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

I moved my hand over her belly button and put my finger in the hole.

“Stop it!” she said, “that makes me itch all over.”

“Time’s up!” called someone.

We came out and resumed our positions. When Kristy urged Lauren to spin the bottle, she refused.

“Nah, I’ve had enough,” she stated bluntly. Then, she picked up the Coca-Cola bottle and took it to the kitchen, where she returned it to the carton. She returned empty-handed.

Soon, the party broke up and we split into two groups: guys and girls. The girls stayed and played while the boys went home.

“What did you do?” spat Alex.

“I dunno.”

“You must’ve done something. She never quits once she gets started.”

I shrugged.

“Maybe you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

But…it was painfully obvious that I didn’t.. There is no such thing as a linty pinky and there is probably a good reason for that. I still don’t know.

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